God I hate the grey knights....

Why you may ask. Because they F up my whole universe.

I was working today and started thinking about the grey knights. I got so worked up listing off the things they have that swing the games in their favor that I was fuming for about 4 hours.

What follows is a list compiled by me. This is strictly my opinion as a dark eldar player and as a warning there will be foul language as I feel strongly about this. (by the end I'm in full talking to myself mode)

Before you hit that button YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED






GREY KNIGHTS ARE THE FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!!

whew now that that is out of the way.

ok time to get to my list

1. the "shunt punch"
I know it has now been ruled illegal but the sheer audacity of the grey knight players to insist that a shunt is a "normal" move was almost too much for me. But I played along since there was no official ruling yet. As a DE player this meant that i either had to reserve my entire army and arrive piecemeal throughout the game (that just doesn't fucking work for a DE at all) or bubble wrap my army with expendable units. One issue though everything in the DE army has to work together to work. There are no expendable units. I cant hide the army since the shunt punch has a 42" threat range. They deploy in the front center and they can reach me wherever I go. Now that its not legal I should feel better about playing them, ah but there is more to this list of bitches and gripes.

2. S5 Storm bolters
Ok assuming I lived through the shunt punch. Now I have to deal with the rest of their army, who by the way are all armed with stormbolters. Not not regular storm bolters, these are +1 storm bolters. Oh and they are in rhinos or razorbacks with las plas combos. Hell even psybolt heavybolters suck immensely for me. So on my turn I have to pop some tanks. Darklight weapons will do it! If you are scared of the darklight lances let me tell you now, don't be. I have had them fail time and time again. Especially if the enemy has a 3+ cover save, but I'll get to that later. So lets say that I had an amazing turn of shooting, 2 rhinos down and the razors shaken, not to bad for the bad guys huh. Well the shiny guys bail out and open up on me. With S5 and probably a psycannon in the squad that averages about 3-5 glances or pens. I have flickerfields but I cant stop all that bullshit. So every squad pops a raider or gunboat in range. Sad face for the Dark Eldar.

3. 3+ cover saves
Why the fuck do the grey knights get the best cover saves in the game? The shrouding gives you a +1 to cover saves and it has a 6" radius. What the fuck! I can see if it gives it to the squad that casts it but everyone within is a little much. Add a techmarine and wallah if they are in a building he now has a few dozen terminators. Fuck me... I have massive amounts of ap 2 weapons but that apparently doesn't seem to bother them as the librarian can magically make the walls raise and grass grow. All of a sudden it looks like it has to come down to close combat to get them out of there.

4. SANCTUARY
 But before I even get there they pull this little power out of their deep dark asses (has to be huge they have so much crammed in there) Makes every enemy trying to charge a unit within 12" (fucking really) have to move through difficult and dangerous terrain to get to the enemy. The first time this little ray of fucking sunshine was pulled out on me I lost half a wych squad. So now either I don't make the roll or I have to get chewed up by, I dunno, my assault specialists tripping and bashing their brains out on the sidewalk or the close combat squads are sitting there in front of the entire enemy force with their heads up their asses trying to find jesus. I think the grey knights will introduce them rather quickly.
Lets say i get there, I rolled amazing and got there with some of the most badass mothers to ever swing a bladed weapon in 40k. I reached his squad with a full init of *duh da DA!!!* Incubi!

5. Halberds
 SHIITTTTTT!!!!!1!11!
What the fuck kind of genius decided it was plausible for fucking space marines to have their initiative boosted so fucking much! Oh Matt Ward that's who.... *asshole* So now the incubi are, in lamens terms, up shit creek without a paddle. Well guess what all the halberds start chopping my fucking fairy heads off. These weapons are some kind of joke. They give the baddest men in the universe such a leap forward that the things in the game that are defined as "fast" aren't so much anymore. Wyches *splat* (thank god they can dodge pfft...) Geanstealers *splat* deamonettes *splat with rerolls* And i cant get over that the terminators get them for FREE!!!!!!


6. Psychotroke grenades
The only defence I have against this is hope that he rolls a one. Lets be fucking honest how often does that happen when you need it? Defensive and offensive. I hate you Mr. Ward

So there you have it, a typical day in the life of a Dark Eldar when he knows he is playing Grey Knights. There is no conceivable way to win with an all comers list (like you take to tourneys) against these assholes of the 41st millennium.

"So build a list to fight the grey knights." I hear some of you say.

Ok so lets see what kinds of dirty I can throw on the board to kill the boys in the shiny plate mail underpants.

The Crucible
Ok so this is a promising piece of wargear. it fucks psykers sideways. So lets see here a Haemonculus with one of these babys comes in at 70 points. I don't want to give it to an archon because lets face it this Hemo is going to have to be insane to pull this off since he's going to die specfukingtacularly once it goes off.  Makes all psykers within 3D6 inches pass a psychic test or be removed from play.
 Hmm let me tell you why this wont work. The grey knights are marines+ so they don't fail many leadership tests. The (sorta) faq says it has no effect on their vehicles. (though the driver and gunner bleeding from the ears should at least stun the damned thing) Oh and all the grey knight squads COUNT AS ONE FUCKING PSYKER!!!!
Yep even if somehow I can get this suicide bomber through the hail of S5 fire and through the difficult terrain that undoubtedly they are standing in, I might kill 4 marines. If I'm fucking lucky.

Lets scratch that.

Wracks?
 Again with the whole army spewing out hot S5 death, these guys are next to useless. GO ahead and sit them on an objective, they wont be there long.

Beast flocks?
There could be some wiggle room here. Beast are fast. fast on the board, fast in initiative, in the fast attack slot even. Bout here's the kicker, they are the most expensive (cash wise) unit in the game. The optimal build for these will set you back about $200 per squad... I'm not going to drop $600 to get 3 of them, nope GW go fuck yourself.
And there is also the small problem of psycannons and S6 heavy bolters maybe even the psyfile dread after he drops all of your transports. They will go splat when getting shot at. Oh and the birds have 5 wounds, uh.. wait nemesis force weapons. yeah... well... moving on.

Talos/ parasite engines
Force weapons... shit....

Mandrakes!
fucking really.. I'm taking away your DE playing privileges.

Harlequins...
Your still talking...

Scourges?
 They are marines so the carbines will mostly just bounce, as far as the rest of the weapons, just take trueborn they are cheaper. but there is only so much these squads can do.

Helions
Wait you might have something here, "if" and that's a strong if you can survive a few rounds with a command squad they can yank out that damned librarian. Then if you have (again another if) a disintigrator boat floating around you can ap2 him into oblivion. Might work... You might also try and switch his dice out with weighted ones that roll all 1s when hes not looking. That might be easier.

Bombers
 Well maybe, the only missile that might work on these asshats are the shattershard missiles so lets take 4 of those. Then night shields and flickerfields so maybe it can live past turn 1. Crap that's a 285 pt model. Really. Drop that to 2 missiles because lets face it, this thing isn't going to see the 3rd turn. 225pts. Nope I think I'll take my chances with 2 ravagers with 3 disintigrators for that cost. WAIT! S6 heavy bolters and psyfile dreads. Fuck me this is hard.

Archon with shadowfield
yeah it could work, might kill one squad then get torrented down. If he got there that is, remember sanctuary.

So how do you beat the shiny pants marines?
 Simple. I'll use a D+D term.

REROLL FUCKING GREY KNIGHTS.......... *facepalm*